16 Healthy Reasons To Buy A Treadmill Desk

Treadmill desk exercises are good for you for many health reasons, including:


Keeps you off the couch (but not your psychiatrists couch, or the casting director’s couch), and you can still watch TV or work on your computer while exercising.


Makes you a real smarty pants – like you aren’t already. Any neurologist moron (Wu CW, Chen YC, Yu L, Chen HI, Jen CJ, Huang AM, Tsai HJ, Chang YT, Kuo YM. Treadmill exercise counteracts the suppressive effects of peripheral lipopolysaccharide on hippocampal neurogenesis and learning and memory. J Neurochem. 2007 Dec;103(6):2471-81. Epub 2007 Oct 22.) knows that exercise stimulates the formation of neurons… like, duh, who doesn’t that? But, did you know that those little connections, yeah synapses, get stronger when you work out. It is also increases, umm, what do you call it, umm, umm, oh yeah, memory. Works for me…


Better sex life – healthy body = healthy libido. Yeah, I am now up to once a year, (well, in a good year that is). What a stud I be… and I owe it all to the 17.3 hours a day I spend on my treadmill desk.


Live long and prosper – no that is not a Vulcan proverb, it is proven that people who are physically active simply live longer. Physical activity (and visiting certain online web sites) makes your heart work harder and get stronger. If you regularly exercise on your treadmill desk, you can also decrease your chance of heart disease by lowering your blood pressure and increasing that good HDL cholesterol. Yeah, I remember reading about the James Fixx, who wrote the book Running, died young, but I have always said how much younger would he have passed away if he wasn’t working out.


As Olivia Newton-John sang in her hit song, “Let’s Get Cognitive,” treadmill desk exercising increases cognitive performance and may delay the onset of dementia. I am going to get my grandmother strapped to my treadmill and test this hypothesis. Gawd, I hope her walker can keep up with her.


Lower your cholesterol without drugs (at least without prescription drugs). Science has demonstrated that physical exercise positively impacts blood cholesterol levels by decreasing LDL cholesterol, triglycerides and total cholesterol and increasing HDL cholesterol.


Help control of type 2 diabetes using Twinkies. I mean, who doesn’t enjoy an extra few dozen Twinkies. You know what? Don’t focus on all those abstract things like “insulin resistance” and “glucose tolerance.” Just take pleasure in knowing your treadmill desk will help you control your diabetes so you can really indulge to all those things that got you there in the first place.


Lower your blood pressure (without dying). Regular exercise will decrease the blood pressure in approximately 75% of hypertensive people. With odds like that, you should can gamble online while you are working out on your treadmill.


Weight control. You know that old adage, “Garbage in, garbage on (your hips),” or something like that. If you work out more than you take in, wait a minute, let me check my calculator… yep, it is official, if you burn more calories than you eat, you will lose weight.


Muscle strength without ‘roids. The only person who doesn’t like this finding is that high school kid who has been selling you steroids for the last few years. Your treadmill desk will put her out of business.


Bone strength. Exercising can positively impact your bone density. (Geez, that is way cheaper than a penile implant). Who knew that weight-bearing exercises can promote bone formation and may protect against osteoporosis. The great new about this, is that we won’t have to see Sally Fields on TV anymore pushing drugs on old people.


Exercise promotes better night sleep. Works for me… I went from 12 hours a night (plus nap) to 16 hours. Gawd, I love my treadmill desk.


Stress management. I SAID STRESS MANAGEMENT, DID YOU HEAR ME? ARE YOU READING THIS? GEEEZUS! GET WITH IT! NOW!! NOW!! Hold on, I need to go sit down for a minute or ten.


Tom Cruise was right – yelling at Oprah works. You don’t need antidepressant medication. Numerous studies have revealed that exercise promotes mental health and can reduce the symptoms of depression. I also taken his other advice in that I watch Oprah and yell at her for the entire hour. Makes me feel really good.


Optometrists and audiologists approve of treadmill desks. Optometrists approve because most people have screens are too small to comfortably read, so they have to get new glasses or contacts. Audiologists find that the dull roar of your treadmill desk motor is often compensated by jacking up the volume on your TV or computer, thus starting a nasty spiral towards them promoting the $3,500 hearing aid over the $100 device that works just as well.

There you have it, now go buy a treadmill desk.